The 'Convicts'

So, if things could not possibly get any worse, (I am constantly thinking things could not possibly get worse every minute and they always do.) I woke up today to find that someone had graffitied my house. In big, bold letters, it said:

CONVICTZ WUZ HER

Yeah, I was pretty confused, especially since I was still half asleep from the entire bottle of Nyquil I had just drank like three hours before. So I didn't really think much of it and pulled up a little piece of lawn to take a nice, long nap. When I woke up, again half asleep, it was because someone had taken all of my clothes off. This was unusual, as I pass out on my own lawn fairly regularly. They also smashed (and partially ate) my mailbox and left an easily traceable ransom note.

"GARY. IF U WaNT YR. ShIRT N SHIT BACK, GIVE US 500 BUCKS. BITCH. WE ARE A GANG. DON'T MESs WITH US OR WE WILL BEAT YOU UP SO BAD. - CONVICTZ"

Like I said, not hard to trace. First of all, it's a small town we live in and Saddam is the only person perpetually threatening me, (also, he is an idiot.) so I immediately assume he is in the gang. Second of all, the note was covered in dirt and dripping with slobber, so Cerberus must be in the gang. Other than that, TBA.

I can't believe my own dog joined a gang and spraypainted my house. I went out to scribble on his dog house with a magic marker, but he bit me. Three times.

To be continued...