Jesus (sorry, dude), It's been a long time since I wasn't too depressed to write!

Hello everybody!

By everybody, I mean nobody.

Hello everybody, how are you? It's been a long time since I have given two shits enough to write my particularly witty thoughts and feelings down and publish them on the Internet. Why? Two reasons:

1) Nobody cares about me.

2)

I guess that was just one reason. For some reason it seemed like two when it was in my head. Or maybe I just forgot the second one because I was too busy thinking about the first one. Let me remind you all, why nobody cares about me, again, in a numbered list. It is, after all, the season for lists.

1) I live in an oppressively hot cave in the center of the earth, on a dimensional level different from the one that you, the reader, are currently living on. (Fortunately, the Internet has "connected" us. And no, not "or unfortunately" for you. Don't be a dick.)

2) I also live on a different dimensional level of "cool."
- Seriously, it's like the 4th dimension of "cool."
- Apparently, the 4th dimension of "cool" isn't good enough for Jesus, and James Dean and St. Peter and all the guys up there.
- Yes, James Dean and Marilyn Monroe do make out up there like every day, and if I could put it on the Internet, I would, because I would seriously be able to cash in on that.
- I asked Marilyn on a date and she told me to meet her in the sewer. I went to the sewer. She said that since I was so full of hot air, I could help recreate her famous tableaux.
- I hated myself for months after I did that.

3) All my friends and the people I know live on the 1st dimension of "cool," which sucks. For them. But mostly, for me also, because I am trapped with them in this sucky cave. And they suck.
- Adolf has started self-flagellation.
- Saddam is still mean as shit, all the time.
- Cerberus goes through like five bags of IAMS a day. Actually, that would be a gross understatement.
- Phil Spector (I know, what is he even doing here?) has seriously overproduced all of my hip-hop albums.

4) I am apparently a bleak, lecherous social leper. Who lives in a cave. Did I mention a cave?

Happy Thanksgiving. Cerberus ate the fucking turkey down here. Hope your three headed monster dog didn't eat your turkey. Really, I am being sincere.

5) I am an insincere, insecure...

Really though, Happy Thanksgiving.