Sheesh! It's been a long time since I wrote on this. My life has been extremely busy lately, busy busy busy, no time to write. That's how I keep myself happy. I keep myself busy. What have I been doing, you ask?
Well actually, I have mostly just been lying on my couch with a towel wrapped around my head and hands, trying to forget my life by sheer sensory deprivation. No big deal. Just what I am up to for the most part.
My therapist recommended it. He is so smart and nice and always gives me the best treatments for when I am feeling sad or post-suicidal (I feel like that most of the time because apparently I can't die. Details). I like to call him "Dr. Allen," although he usually insists that I simply call him Allen because he "doesn't have a degree," and "is not accredited in any way." And then he recommends that I take a swim in the lake of fire or something to cool down. How thoughtful.
He doesn't accept monetary payments for his services ("What the fuck am I gonna do with a handful of your cash down here?" he says. What a clown.), so I usually try to pay him back by taking part in one of his experiments. They usually consist of me seeing how long I can hold my breath under boiling water while wearing a lead helmet without going crazy (a long time, apparently, I can't die, and I am definitely not crazy.), me taking all of the pills in my medicine cabinet to find "cures," or me locking myself in a hotel room with two of the scary hell women and waiting for something "that will carry weight in the psychological community" and/or "filmable" to happen (nothing ever happens, p.s. Dr. Allen, except for those crazy ladies yelling at me all day.).
Dr. Allen is also the pinnacle of class. Pinstripe suit. Slicked back hair. Breath that always smells like an exquisitely brewed cup of coffee. Glasses that make his eyes seem a lot smaller than they actually are.
Wait a second, what was I talking about again? God, I took way to many pills today...though it's none of your business, maybe you should get off your high cloud and come hang out with me for once...and pick up the damn phone!
Oh yeah, I haven't really been doing much you know. What?
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