HELLO, MY NAME IS GARY

Hello, my name is Gary...Gary Satan. Today, I decided to make a weblog, mostly because I am bored and mostly because I am not boring and I have a lot to say. And hopefully I can get some digits and make some friends because all of my friends suck. Now, before you ask me a whole bunch of asinine questions that will make us both really uncomfortable, let me make some things clear. First of all, yes, I am "that Satan guy who lives in that cave in the center of the earth." It's hot and boring. Second of all, no, I don't torture people for fun, because that is also boring, trust me, been there, done that. And don't make that joke about "Gary, you're torturing us with another blog," because no, that joke isn't funny anymore, nor was it ever funny. And lastly, yes, I have friends. Clear? Crystal.

I am seriously a really cool, not boring guy, who likes to party.

Here is a picture of me on spring break in Cancun in 2006. Adolf accidentally turned on the camera's "mosaic" function, and that's why I look like such a dumbass. He had like fifty margaritas (not really), like usual, and he doesn't speak English, he just pushes buttons wherever they can be pushed and expects people to understand his feelings as he vomits them out in German or whatever he speaks, figuratively, and literally in this case (in most cases, actually). I couldn't explain it to him. I was drunk too, and I have no idea how to work the camera, and that's why I am so not photogenic. See, but I'm fun. Adolf is not fun, but you can't choose your friends I guess. At least that's what St. Pete keeps telling me.

Apparently St. Pete gets to choose who my friends are. That's why all of my friends are balls.

So yeah. Welcome to the party. The Gary party.